Should I Invite Him?

This question popped up in my mind when I watched my favorite sitcom series "How I Met Your Mother". For those who don’t follow the series, there's an episode where the groom was left by his fiancé at the altar because the groom invited his ex-gf and her ex-bf to the wedding and afterwards, the groom made a famous-rule that say, “Never invite an ex to your wedding.”

So…the big Q is should we invite our ex-boyfriend(s) to the wedding?

For me, the answer is NO. Here’s what happened to me. My bf and me have an agreed-consent, long before we made the invitation list, that we wouldn’t invite our ex-boyfriend/girlfriend to our wedding. The reason is simply we don’t maintain a good relationship with our ex-bf/gf(s). So why bother inviting them to our wedding that we want to be surrounded by so-called nearest and dearest?

If I could simplify, first, if you do maintain a good relationship with your ex(s) or to certain extent, he is your best friend…yeah, please do invite him (but of course always communicate it with your fiancé). I could say that the important key is always communicating and respect each other. It’s the wedding that both of you will remember (hopefully) forever.

Second, if you have a small-private-intimate wedding, (again, unless you maintain a very good relationship with your ex(s)), I don’t recommend you to invite your ex(s) to the wedding. But, if you have a big-thousand-guests wedding, I think it’s still ok to invite your ex(s), simply because you wouldn’t spot whether your ex is coming or not, LOL!

Above is just merely my one-sided opinion. Unlike me, I believe you have your own reason and decision to make.

P.S: Starting from now, I will (regularly) bring up an issue that interesting to be discussed with you all related to this wedding preparation thing-y. Please drop your comment below if you have other thoughts or let me know in the "speak up" box if you have any particular issue that want to be discussed. Cheers! 

Featured

Hi Bridezillas,

I know it's been too long since my last post, I've been busy with the baby stuffs, I'm so excited being a new mom yet feel so challenged. Everyday is a learning process for me.

Anyway, just want to share that our wedding story has been featured on 'Weddingku' magazine for December 2010 - February 2011 edition. Yes, it's a very late announcement, it's been a year since they published, haha... but no worry, I also put the link here that you can read it in the Weddingku's website. Enjoy!

Prenuptial Agreement: Yes or Big No No?

“Honey, let’s have a prenuptial agreement before we get married”

What’s on your mind when suddenly your fiancée popped up the above question? I have to admit that all things related to money are sensitive issues, especially before you get married. So, let’s us discuss about this ‘interesting’ matter. Pre-nuptial Agreement: Yes or Big NO NO?

As a law-school graduate, I’m not going to give a boring-complicated-legal explanation on what’s a prenuptial agreement (or in Indonesia you call it as perjanjian pra-nikah). Google it and you find hundred or even thousand of pages explaining this.

Secara singkat, perjanjian pra-nikah adalah perjanjian yang dibuat sebelum perkawinan yang pada dasarnya mengatur mengenai pemisahan harta antara suami-istri setelah perkawinan.

So what’s the controversies?

1. Pertama, persepsi yang beredar bahwa dengan kita membuat perjanjian pra-nikah akan muncul konotasi negatif bahwa kita telah memikirkan kondisi yang terburuk yaitu PER-CE-RAI-AN.
2. Kedua, pembuatan perjanjian pra-nikah sering dianggap sensitive issue karena adanya prasangka salah satu pihak ‘mengincar’ harta pihak lain dan munculnya persepsi ini akan berakibat buruk pada kelanggengan pernikahan.
3. Ketiga, berdasarkan pengalaman pribadi konsultasi dengan pre-marital counselor di gereja, mereka menganggap perjanjian pra-nikah sebagai instrumen yang meragukan kuasa Tuhan dan bertentangan dengan janji nikah kita yang mengatakan “for better or worst, rich or poor...”

Ok, here’s my view on pre-nuptial agreement, you may agree or disagree, I realize that this matter is still subject to debatable from pro(s) and con(s).

My hubby is a businessman dengan segala resiko yang dapat menimpa, worst scenario, kelilit hutang, go bankrupt, and all claim relate to his assets. Berangkat dari pemikiran inilah, I initiate the idea to have a prenuptial agreement. For me, I see pre-nuptial agreement as a protection (both for me and my hubby) from a legal point of view. Bukan sebagai perlindungan harta karena suami gue tajir melintir yang takut hartanya diambil oleh gue atau sebaliknya. Simply because of that and nothing more. Dan tidak pernah sama sekali terlintas pemikiran bahwa perjanjian ini mengarah ke perceraian. Untungnya keluarga gue juga ga banyak protes (again another perception, pada umumnya protes datang dari keluarga perempuan jika ada pemisahan harta karena takut anaknya ditinggalin secara tidak hormat dan tidak diberi nafkah... oh c’mon).

Gue setuju bahwa perjanjian pra-nikah ini BUKAN merupakan keharusan. Tidak semua pasangan merasa perlu untuk membuat perjanjian ini, apalagi mengingat untuk membuat perjanjian pra-nikah kita harus mengeluarkan uang lebih untuk biaya notaris, registrasi di pengadilan, dll. Yup, it's an extra-cost in your wedding budget. So it’s simply an option.

My suggestion, bicarakan dan diskusikan baik-baik dengan pasangan. Dan ingat, kesempatan untuk membuat perjanjian ini hanya terbuka sampai kita belum terikat pernikahan. Once you tie the knot, you will never be able to make this agreement. You only have 1 shoot, so better think it carefully! 

Keep the Sparkle!

Bangun pagi ngeliat handphone, lampu indikator BB uda menunjukan kelap kelip warna merah tanda ada pesan BBM yang belum terbaca. Ternyata broacast messages sudah antri untuk menyampaikan pesan ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ dari teman-teman sekalian.

Gue bukan penganut fatwa haram MUI atas hari Valentine, tetapi gue juga bukan orang yang hobi merayakan hari Valentine dengan sesuatu yang spesial. Ini adalah hari valentine ketiga buat gue dan pasangan gue dan cuma 1x kita (un-intentionally) dinner di hari valentine. Di hari Valentine pertama sebagai pasangan suami istri, ga tau kenapa tapi gue ga merasa terlalu semangat untuk arrange dinner, masak, kasih coklat atau make something special buat kita berdua.

The same thing goes to my cousin, having a new babyborn makes them forget about valentine’s day.

Does it mean we both have lost our sparkle in our first year of marriage? :) 

At this moment, while I’m writing this post, my hubby is sitting in front of me, busy working with his laptop… there’s no sign that he will change his clothes while he keeps asking where we are going to have dinner tonight (FYI, it’s 7.30 PM already and no reservation has been made). I doubt we’ll have decent dinner tonight. HAHA.

I do believe the importance of sparkle in relationship. Not just marriage, but in term of having a relationship, sparkle makes a relationship alive (or you just have a boring relationship-routine). I always try to bring the sparkle in our marriage life. In term of celebrating occasional events, I love doing it in spontaneous way and unpredictable. 

Gue bukan tipe cewe yang suka dikasih bunga, coklat, boneka or whatever cutest things sold on Valentine's Day. For me, the moment of doing small things can beat the moment in top fine dining restaurant or even price of a diamond. For those who are in relationship, make your relationship alive and always grateful for every moment you have spent with your partner because you will never know what tomorrow will bring. Always try to "be there" for your partner, have your ears and shoulders prepared and a warm hug and kiss to make him/her feel secure. At least, these are basic things that I am still keep learning up until today. 

So, to wrap up, so called Valentine’s Day today.... enjoy your dinner and keep the sparkle! Happy Valentine’s Day bloggers!

J. 

A Bride's Diary: Behind The Scene

Dear Bridezillas, after writing all the reviews, I guess I'll wrap my "A Bride's Diary" postings series. Thanks for reading it, I hope it helps you in preparing your own dream wedding. Good luck with the preparation, hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

Thank you for your emails, queries, and comments, I really appreciate it. For closing my post, here's some behind-the-scene photos before the ceremony =))

 8.30 AM: first time seeing my finished dress, so excited! 

9.00 AM: final fitting - fixing my wedding dress

9:30 AM: morning chit-chat before make up session

10.30 AM: hair-do in progress

 groom in pink

Special thanks to all vendors:

Conrad Hotel, Bali · Elly Be Gorgeous · Lisa (Lu'Vaze) · Mario The Nine Photography · WeddingClip Videography · Axioo Photography · Spectrum Bali · Nab Classic · my bridesmaid's dress designer, Lina · William Sebastian · and all families and friends that helps to create our dream wedding come true. 

::all candid pictures are taken by William Sebastian::